Tombs, trolleys, transport traumas...and that was just one week!


Marwick Head, Orkney
June has been the longest month, and as I look back it seems to hold an amazing variety of experiences, surely more than can be fitted into just 30 days - including, of course, the longest day itself.  Perhaps the long days are what made it feel like twice the month it was.  Or perhaps it was the number of "firsts": our voyage to Orkney (a hair-raising two-day journey on ferry, train, bus, bus, bus, ferry, bus, car...and the same again back the other way, mostly at death-defying speeds thanks to the incredible antics of Stagecoach bus drivers desperate to meet their timetable targets on the slow roads of the Highlands; but we didn't die!); a trip up Askival; watching a shearwater being pulled out of its burrow by its beak ("they don't mind, they just bite you"); holding a shearwater chick; playing our first gig; beautifying the Community Hall; and last but not least seeing my Mum taken off to hospital in a helicopter in front of the castle, after she broke her wrist on our paths (Mum: "But I've never even been in a plane!" Small boys observing: "We filmed it all! It was awesome!").
So, where to begin...let's see, maybe with Orkney, which already seems like years ago.  On arrival back from those wondrous isles at the end of the world - or at least the end of Britain - we were instantly plunged back into Rum life, hearing all the gossip ("And then I arrived to open up the tea-shop and there was a strange man in the kitchen wearing shades and cooking bacon!"), preparing for the visit of the new SNH chairman and the Minister on whom the fate of our castle depends, starting our revamp of the poor old hall and baking for Britain prior to the visits of aforesaid SNH people and my family...oh, not to mention cleaning the hostel, writing up the Archive news and finding our carrots all eaten up by rats, one of which I caught in flagrante actually holding a carrot in its paws.  I think I'd rather have found a man cooking bacon...So it already feels like years since we were on holiday.
Approaching Orkney

At Maes Howe
Orkney felt like a marvellous, simple place.  Marvellous because it's full of marvels, five-thousand-year-old tombs and standing stones dotted around the gentle landscape with immense mathematical precision, thousands of sea-birds nesting above the uneasy waters of the Pentland Firth, Iron Age forts beside turquoise lochs...and simple because unlike on Rum, people are as much a part of the landscape as the hills or the stones.  The tombs are rarely "guarded" - they are just there, and you can pop by and visit as easily - if not more easily - as dropping into a local supermarket; the ancient stones and forts just "belong", as much as the newer towns and the ferries.  Things are on a human scale. We appreciated this, having been for so long on an island where people are barely tolerated by the landscape and weather, and each successive attempt to settle soon meets with seemingly insurmountable difficulties.  Orkney people seem to have a civic pride unknown in much of England since the 1970s, and things work, and are neat and clean, and make sense.  Their history isn't like mainland Britain's - they are closer in nearly every way to Scandinavia than to London. They are proud of their history, poetry, whaling, ships, exploration and music.   We felt happy, and surprisingly at home.  Mel was particularly happy crawling into a dark tomb on her hands and knees while we both enjoyed the tea-trolley experience of getting into "Tomb of the Eagles" (so-called because of the sea eagle talons found there)...luckily no other tourists were around at the time..  


Getting to the tomb...spooky...

Getting into the tomb - on a trolley

Eagle in a tomb!

"Rainforest", West Highland Line
Back on Rum our sense of the Highlands was thrown into sharp relief by our trip.  Not having been "off island" for three months, we really noticed for the first time the temperate rainforest climate of the Highlands, a bit like New Zealand with low clouds covering forested mountains.  We noticed the way in which places are divided by the huge landscape rifts (to get to Inverness from Fort William is a massive journey in itself), but that these divisions are made more difficult by the lack of coordination between buses, trains, ferries..We noticed how there is that permanent disconnect between "locals" and "visitors", the Highlands putting on a superhuman effort for the tourist season, but with that underlying resentment at Scottish dependency on outside wealth.  The old chip on the shoulder, historically understandable but hard to live with.  The beauty of the islands and the landscape contrasting with the poverty of the people who live here; sometimes this is overcome by a strong community, as seemingly in parts of Lochaber, sometimes not.  Resentment can run deep in communities that feel themselves dependent, the same is true here as much as in Bradford or Accrington.  But it can be even harder to accept that you are no longer dependent and have to be self-sufficient.  This is where communities, like individuals, have to become self-aware, willing to deal with their own histories and face up to the internal conflicts that beset them, rather than blaming these on others.  I don't know if this is easier or harder in a tiny community such as ours.
But I was partly reconciled to these problems - or managed to forget them for a while - by our amazing trip up Askival...we didn't mean to go up Askival...it just happened...

To be continued!
What belongs in the landscape...Ring of Brodgar, Orkney

9th June - More news from the Archive, and what have we been up to?

More like, what haven't we been up to? A huge sense of exhaustion keeps washing over us like a wave, as we struggle to keep up with all the needs of the island and our visitors and ourselves at the height of the Season...the last two weeks have been non-stop cake-baking, dog-walking, piglet-feeding, midge-cursing, whale-watching (someone's got to do it...), gardening, cooking, entertaining, organising and planning for what comes next.  There's a sense that there is no time at all to stop and think, which is hard when you need to process so much.  But also a sense that lots of things are happening, which is a Good Thing.  Who would have thought this time last year, that I would not only be tea-shopping and archiving but also helping to resurrect the library service and organising a revamp of the community hall? Not me. I would never have imagined having the guts to do any of it.  It would be very exciting...if I didn't just want to lie down and have a nap.
Never mind! Onwards!  There are more archive stories to be told...
I am continuing with my research, and have been archiving letters, photographs and notes. It looks at the moment as though most of the correspondence saved is with the factor, R. Wallace Brebner, rather than with George and Monica themselves.  But this throws a fascinating light on everyday life on Rum at the time, the practical issues people dealt with and - last but not least - why the deer went missing.
Telling our lovely visitor, Andrea, about the archive, I came across another folder of letters. Frustratingly, many of these obviously belong with the first set of letters I catalogued, but for some reason have been put randomly into plastic wallets and juggled about by someone in more recent times.  Still, at least they've been saved.  Once I get the new acid-free folders, I can start to put the correspondence in order...then we will know just when and how boilers were ordered, accounts were audited, cars were insured and deer were put on the train...Oh, on second thoughts it's far more fun doing it this way...
So, you may remember that last time, there were mysterious complaints about the L&NER (London & North Eastern Railway) having muddled up the deer and not sent them properly.  I was intrigued as to what had happened.  What did a railway line and Sir George's deer have to do with each other?  Well, now all is revealed.
It appears that George regularly purchased new deer to top up his stock on Rum, and what's more, he didn't buy them from another Scottish landlord.  The deer came from Sussex, from an estate owned by Charles Lucas at Warnham Court, Horsham. He had been supplying deer to Rum since at least 1926, when in February he wrote to Brebner confirming that he would send six stags and two hinds to Rum in September.  This would cost Sir George just £96; "and I will see that he has good, strong and promising young beasts", writes Lucas. Later that year, in August, it appears that Sir George orders six more hinds, so that a total of six stags and eight hinds would be sent up to Mallaig in September.  "The stationmaster has the matter of train arrangements in hand," writes Lucas, and we learn that all the deer "will be available for despatch in one large covered van from Horsham through to Mallaig per passenger train."
While this may seem like a long and hazardous journey, it's nothing to what other deer have to go through.  Lucas writes that Brebner and Sir George need not worry about the transport, as the deer from his estate have been so much in demand that they sent 72 deer away the previous year, of which 30 went to India!  And two - he mentions casually - to Sandringham; so he was supplying royalty too. But if you think India is a long way, "We have sent over forty deer to New Zealand over the past fifteen years or so."  What could possibly go wrong?
In 1929, however, the mishap with the L&NER occurs. Luckily, the deer merely arrive late: "As I thought the fault lies with the L&NER people at King's Cross in not sending the van containing the deer by the service arranged as promised..." He advises Brebner to seek compensation, "I do think that you will insist upon full satisfaction."  Hopefully the deer were not too traumatised by their extra wait at King's Cross Station; where did they put them, I wonder?
Naturally, where there is a shooting estate there are also DOGS, and we learn that in 1921, Brebner was seeking to purchase pointers and setters to assist with the stalking, this time exchanging letters with "The Cornwallis Kennel of Gun-Dogs" in Banffshire, "the property of Capt. R.B. Ricketts".  Rodney Ricketts writes enthusiastically to Brebner that he can offer him an excellent choice of dogs: "Grouse" and "Bruce", two English setter dogs ("Both expremely [sic] good looking specimens and know their job"), "Hughie" and "Shot", black and white and liver and white setters ("Splendid workers and from a good strain") or "Pat" and "Jock", Irish setter dogs. Pat is "an exceptionally good looking dog and a tireless worker", although Ricketts clearly has some worries about Jock: "[He] should not be judged by his age (6 yrs) as he can do a days work on the moor with any dog, has a splendid nose, ranges a nice pace quartering his ground well and is perfectly steady and staunch." But eventually Brebner decides on Hughie and Shot - just in time as someone else has offered for Hughie, and so Ricketts cunningly ups his price "I cannot accept less than 25 gns [guineas] for him as this is the definite offer I have waiting."  We shall probably never know what happened to poor Jock...
Throughout the 1920s it seems the estate continued to flourish, with new deer (and dogs) being purchased, the amazing boiler and new radiator system being installed in 1924 (the one we still have today!) and a variety of exciting new purchases for the house being made, including a "Frigidaire" in 1928. Yet, by 1930 Sir George is looking to let the whole island; a tenant is sought by his agents in Edinburgh, but despite some interest from the Duke of Leinster, eventually no-one is found who is prepared to pay the £3,000 asked for.  A Mr Bowlby writes in August that he knows someone who wants "a shoot", but "he is anxious to have a place where there are grouse, & that is what brought me over." The friend thinks there are not enough grouse on Rum, so Bowlby went away again; not before he reminisces fondly, "I remember the excellent sport we had in 1891 and 1892 in Rhum, and am sorry to have heard that grouse have now almost disappeared."  Other concerns of potential tenants may seem familiar; the agent sends Brebner a list of questions from clients which include:
"1. How often are letters received? Is there a daily mail?...3. Is there a Doctor on the Island? If not, where is the nearest?..."5. What roads are there on the Island?"
Ah, yes...some things never change.  And in the light of recent discussions about the Calmac not bringing our fuel over due to there being too many passengers on board (a source of great controversy at the moment, as said passengers don't actually get off the boat and visit Rum, but stay firmly aboard the ferry, thus bringing us no benefits at all, despite all our efforts to attract them), local readers may like to know that certain problems existed in 1924 as well as in 2014:
"Dear Sir.  We had a letter this morning from the Station Master at Mallaig Station stating that the Captain of the cargo steamer could not take the boiler and radiators as he was full up with other cargo, and it will be Monday before he calls again."

So rest assured, dear readers; even if you are a millionaire, you can't always get the ferry to deliver your goods on time! 

May - Herding turkeys...

We were helping to look after the animals for a few days while their rightful owners were away. Feeding piglets, running the poultry gauntlet and - to our great joy - looking after the dog.  But two turkeys decided they weren't going to sit about waiting for their food...they were going to brave the village! So we had to try and get them back...

You may think herding cats is just a figure of speech; well, herding turkeys should replace it as an even more frustrating - but it has to be said, even more amusing - activity...

Getting ready to herd

I know food comes out of wheelie bins...so if we just wait...

I'm still waiting!

Dammit, they've got sticks and a dog! On the run...in the right direction...

Take a turn left...still going the right way...

It's all gone wrong Gromit! Bonnie spectacularly fails to herd while the turkeys disappear into the distance.


At this point, the turkeys vanished into the undergrowth.

Some time later, Mel made a second attempt by cycling around to get behind them and throwing food over their heads until they followed the food to the croft...There are sadly no photographs of this second attempt, but suffice to say it worked - although it did take over an hour to get them from A to B, B being around a ten minute walk from A in normal circumstances.

We are better and wiser people for this experience!

(The piglets were much cuter, if less adventurous:)



The wildlife on Rum never ceases to amaze!

May 23rd - Entertaining angels

Here on Rum we share our space with so many creatures, but just sharing a space isn't always enough...you have to make contact across the space too and that isn't always easy.

This week we shared our space with a French TV crew (Mel on TV yet again...); several minke whales, which have been cruising up and down the bay regularly for a week now; Manx shearwater, puffins, guillemot...swallows, cuckoos...enthusiastic engineers from Yorkshire and depressed geology students from Edinburgh, who are not happy ("And we're on our own...in a camping cabin...and we don't know anyone...and we have to stay for FOUR WEEKS...and the midges are IN THE CABIN..."). (Oh yes - did I mention sharing space with about 1,000,000,000 midges too? They have no problem making contact with us.) But we've also been privileged to share our own space with Bonnie the dog, whom we were lucky enough to get to look after for a week. And last but not least, Jesus visited...proving that it's not always easy to entertain angels - or would-be angels - unawares.
I spoke too soon about music - we had a rather difficult session when we were unexpectedly joined by a young lad who seemed to have wandered on to the island by accident.  With long hair, a beard and bare feet he seemed to be rocking the Jesus look but sadly didn't act like it.  He drank way too much at the bar on Saturday night while lighting a trangy fire in the hall entrance to cook dinner, abandoned his obviously distressed and equally young girlfriend in order to "find himself" by overnighting at Harris; and managed to piss off most of the people on the island in an incredibly short space of time in one way or another.  Now it was our turn.  He joined in our music session, literally elbowing Steve out of the way so that he could display his musical talents and tell us how well he understood "all this stuff".  True, he was okay at the guitar - it was people skills he obviously lacked.  We all struggled to find the dynamic we'd had as a group before, but couldn't bring ourselves to tell him to leave - we agreed later that "you just can't".  Music is not something you want to exclude people from no matter how much they annoy you...The final straw was when he slept on the sofa in the Community Hall, leaving his food unwrapped in a corner and unplugging all the equipment, thereby temporarily wrecking the post office system, so that he could charge his various gadgets, without offering to pay for anything.  I came in the next day for the cafe only to find him sat telling one of our regular visitors all about how he was going to come and live on Rum and contribute to the community, because it was so spiritual here...In the shop, everyone was very upset!  
Odd how just one person with no sense of community - despite what he was saying - can make such a difference to how people feel.  Unable to contain myself any longer I "had words" and explained that all of us were part of a small, struggling community and it's not OK to come and doss for free in a community space, upset non-drinkers by trying to force them to drink whisky or wander round in bare feet in our cafe.  Especially as the feet were not very clean...Upon this, he was shocked and said he was sorry, he had intended to offer to pay for stuff...just hadn't got around to it.  And he put his boots back on.
I felt sorry too. I recognised in both him and his girlfriend a search for something - the craving to find somewhere that is different from Normalworld and won't judge you in the same way.  Clearly, they'd assumed that drinking was the way to people's hearts.  But it isn't - not here.  Lots of people know the dark side of alcohol all too well and while some of us like a tipple there are few people who actually get drunk in the way that these two lost souls were doing.  She was just 19, I put him at not much older.  We all felt responsible for them, without really knowing what to do. 
But I somehow felt a need to engage with this person who wanted to be so close to our community ("our"? That's not how I would have felt a year ago), yet was so remote from understanding it. I was ashamed of my own lack of empathy, so later on, I spoke to him again, trying to explain why I'd said what I did.  The point is, that a community, much like a relationship, isn't something you can judge from the outside, nor can you become part of it just by saying that you want to be.  I could tell he genuinely wanted to be part of something better and to do something good - just had no idea how. So I suggested to him, with all my own failings in mind since I got here, that he should really talk to people first, to find out what is needed, what he can do, where he could make a difference.  I explained that drink and drugs don't go down too well here - we're a tiny place where anything that gets out of control has a massive impact as we can't contain it. 
Strange how I felt I had to leap to the defence of a community I haven't known how to deal with myself much of the time.   I had a really strong sense of needing to tell it as it is - not to let people romanticise what life is like here, not to set us up as some kind of antidote to the rest of the world.  We are part of that world too.  A different part maybe, but still dealing with the same issues as most other people - how to live with other people, how to create our own livelihood here...and what I find most upsetting, the assumption that we all just doss about as we don't live in the Real World.  Well, as I explained to one regular Rum visitor who was telling me that the young guy was a "good soul" who had just "never had much money" - none of us have much money, in fact most of us have at least two jobs to make ends meet.  He obviously saw me as a rampant capitalist intent on screwing the last cent out of someone who had nothing.  I'm not really (even if I don't do free coffee refills!).  I just wanted the responsibility we all have for our island, to be shared by the people who visit it.

But it wasn't just that.  To be honest, the reason I'd spoken to "Jesus" was more about remembering how lost I was at 19 and how much I desperately needed people's feedback about what I was doing and the effect I had on them, on the world.  Did I have any effect at all?  I needed to know. But that can be true just as much now as it was then. I've often had the sense here either that you have way too much responsibility, or not enough.  I never know how I am affecting the community, though I hope it's more positive than negative. Poor Jesus.  He had no idea that his simple "I heart Rum" outlook would meet with such a forceful response and I expect he just wanted people to be nice to him. I will try. But that's a whole new challenge...
Bridge that gap...dog and me


20th May - What lies beneath...and above


Rum in the rain - still beautiful
Our visitors came, which was lovely - besides the pleasure of their company, we got to read a paper that wasn't the Press and Journal or the Scottish Daily Express (thanks, contractors), for the first time in months! (Though the puzzles page of the P&J is WAY better than the one in the Guardian, plus I'm now convinced that Ottolenghi is actually part of the puzzle page. Can see no other reason for his totally incomprehensible recipes, which make less sense to me than Sudoku). And we got to exchange all sorts of news and views about London (where?), Rum and Elsewhere (is there one?).  For our visitors, they got to see Rum at probably its most extreme spring-like state. The weather wasn't bright and sunny most of the time, and I wished it hadn't rained so much (sorry!), but the green of the island gets more incredible every day.  Christening our naughty deer "Hamish and Angus", our visitors spent much time watching them graze untroubled on the lush paddock in front of our castle.
Angus and Hamish
But they hoped to see even wilder wildlife.  And luckily, they weren't disappointed.  The very first evening, as we stared out at the still, blue waters, we saw a strange splashing, like a giant fish twisting out of the water. "Hang on...you can't see fish jumping from here, it's too far."  I grabbed the telescope and yelled "Dolphin!" But it wasn't even a dolphin...Launching itself up from the sea was a minke whale, lunging up to catch whatever it had spotted above.  I could hardly believe it, but it seems minkes do occasionally - if rarely - breach entirely clear of the water, although it seems when you watch them their bodies would be too heavy to leap so far.  Even with the naked eye you could see the shape, its black body sinuous in the water, then the whole narrow, pointed black and white length of it twisting clear and falling back down with a tremendous splash into the sea.  It was an amazing sight and I was happy for our guests that they'd seen this spectacle, although it did rather make it difficult to manage wildlife expectations for the rest of the trip...we don't normally see minkes from our living room window.
Minke whale feeding on small schooling fish
What lies beneath!  A minke whale (ours wasn't THIS close - this pic is courtesy of http://www.whaledolphintrust.co.uk/)

I was happy generally that our guests were here.  They marvelled at the castle, and had some great thoughts about the island, helping us to disentangle what we think ourselves.  And then they helped me to remember my grandma's death a year ago.  We toasted her memory with whisky on the turret, looking out to the sea she loved (a sea more northern than hers, but still the sea) and hearing the sounds of the island evening, the cuckoos, songthrushes and chiff-chaffs below us and looking at the intense green of the hills and forest all around the castle, feeling we were on top of the world. I hope she finds it a fitting tribute.  Thoughts about her death don't detract from the aliveness of things - her life was amazing, and I am in awe both of the aliveness of the world here, and how lucky I am that my life coincided with hers, for a whole 41 years.  Hope I can make the most of my own life, too.


Rum from the turret










17th May - Sail away, sail away, sail away...

It's still proving really hard to find time for writing at the moment and to find your voice when you do get a chance; except when the tea-shop is quiet (I wrote nearly a whole story in the tea-shop last Tuesday, plus I got serenaded by a boy with a guitar! It was a sunny day and everyone was up a mountain except us I think).  So sorry if this is a bit repetitive.  The season is incredibly busy, it's like living on another planet compared to winter.  I am either baking for the tea-shop, working in the tea-shop, planning menus, counting money, doing a cleaning shift in the hostel, doing a castle tour or doing the gardening...not to mention all the usual tasks like laundry, washing up, and emailing people randomly! Oh and blogging of course. And staring even more randomly out of the window. Also, I am determined that working in the tea-shop doesn't totally stop me cooking for Mel and myself...but this is difficult, as when I get home I normally just want to eat chips.  This is BAD especially as it is so easy to buy oven chips (though sadly, not proper chips), and relatively difficult to buy other stuff...
Tomorrow we have visitors arriving - hurrah! - so we have been doing extra cleaning.  The flat is finally fragrant(ish) and tidy, without chaotic collections of empty beer and wine bottles, jars and cardboard cluttering up the spare loo (it may be a Spode toilet, darlings, but to us, it's always going to be the "where did you put the spare bogroll?" and "where's the wine?" room - AND we have to keep our recycling in there as there's nowhere else); a kitchen covered in flour and overflowing with cake tins of various sizes (I am currently feeling persecuted by cake tins and dreamt that Mel and I were being forced to build a castle out of cake for a competition...); or a bowl of bubbling sourdough mix in the spare room. The flat is large, but feels very small sometimes when it's hard to find time to tidy and there is lots of baking to be done. 
"Heb Princess" by day, and unknown sailing boat
Luckily we also have other duties to keep us (relatively) sociable on this very wet and windy Saturday.  After our visit from the Hebridean Princess, or "Heb Princess" as we call her, a large group came today on the Ocean Nova and we did a relay tour at 3.30, one half of the group going in the opposite direction to the other until they catch up with each other on the stairs (but hopefully, not too early or I don't get time to talk about Lady Monica and the stuffed humming birds).  Today was a nice group, they laughed at our jokes and were surprisingly goodnatured, considering that the wind is driving the rain into everyone's faces and it's nearly impossible to walk anywhere.  As always I am heartened by their enthusiasm for the castle, their admiration for Lady Monica's decision to sell it as a nature reserve rather than abandon it to developers, and their ability to enter into the spirit of things despite the weather.  It makes me feel more optimistic about the future of the castle, and even the island.  As they are leaving, having struggled to put their wet boots, overtrousers, raincoats and hoods back on in the tiny entrance hall, I run out to see if Dave is arriving on his buggy to drive them back to the pier...feeling like the lady's maid in Gosford Park I stand in the rain finding people's missing gloves, bags and hats until everyone is safely stowed on the buggy and ready to return to their ship.
Ships are a never-ending source of fascination.  So many anchor at Rum, a place I would hardly even have heard of two years ago yet seemingly a key stop-off point for boats doing tours of the Scottish Islands.  We have discovered the awesome www.marinetraffic.com where you can find out what shipping is around your area, or going to be, or was in the past.  Just on Thursday we had a huge yacht call in, the Adix from Falmouth, a five-master nearly as long as George's Rhouma (209 feet, as opposed to 221).  The masts were startlingly high, looking nearly but not quite out of proportion to the stunningly elegant hull.  She sailed blithely across the bay in bright sunshine while all of us in the tea-shop stared from the decking, peering through our binoculars in amazement; the Adix would look more at home off the Côte d'Azur rather than the Côte de Rum.  Nevertheless, she stayed.  The lights twinkled all night long and as always a pang of longing to be out and away on board struck me as she set sail the next day and disappeared (although not before getting stuck for a considerable time just out of the bay as the wind hit her and one of the sails had to be taken down again!).


Adix getting underway...

...and "in irons" struggling to choose a direction!
I always wonder what people think when they anchor in Loch Scresort and see the castle just opposite them.  It must be both a beautiful and a bizarre sight, a totally incongruously romantic pink building set in the wilds of Rum, almost on the shore, with just a paddock in front dividing us from the sea.  At the moment, usually a paddock with naughty deer eating the grass.  They know they aren't really allowed down here - at least we think they know by their furtive looks up at the castle as they chew away.  The other night, the moon was nearly full and the whole island was lit up - it did not get dark at all, but when I got up at 1 am to see what was happening, there were the deer by moonlight, at least six of them, wandering about.  It was bright as full day by 5 am.  Nights like that you want to be awake all night to catch the beauty of it all.  But I was extremely sleepy the next day...probably why I said yes without really thinking to doing a "jamming session" with resident musicians Mike, Steve and Sean.  I hadn't picked up my viola in a few years and I should have been nervous, but instead I felt completely at home and grounded as soon as I started to play. 

It was new for me, playing folk music, let alone Scottish ballads, and I realised soon enough that I don't have the "feel" for Celtic music yet.  There's an immediate emotional pang to it that I've been taught, as a classical musician, to distrust; my learning, as an academic as well, has made me feel that somehow emotion should only be accessed via a more "serious" engagement with the music; the more complex the music, the more authentic the emotion it creates.  Becoming conscious of this makes me realise it is a fallacy, really based not on my training at all (and certainly not on my upbringing, where one of my earliest memories is of Mum singing folk songs) - it seems to arise out partly out of a respect for what is difficult, a need to fight back against the prevailing notion that difficult has to equal inaccessible, but partly out of a less admirable state of mind, probably that somehow I am "better" as a person if I can "master" more difficult, more challenging things - whether that is in the field of music, or in life, as in "I must be able to make a success of living on a tiny island..."
Sometimes though it is maybe best to stop trying and to let things judge you, rather than trying to pre-empt their judgement by trying to be the best all the time.  I wonder if I can think this because I've been playing music again, making me a real person, rather than a set of attempts to do something.  And if it's to do with the kind of music, as well.
Folk and especially Celtic music demands a totally different technique to playing classical music, and it's liberating to play something where it's about how it sounds as a whole, about reaching other people, more than mastering the technical niceties.  Of course, all music is more about how it sounds as a whole, but a break from playing has made me realise that in the past I'd too often focused on how "well" I was playing, rather than how good the music sounded...focusing on your own achievement rather than listening to what you're actually doing.  It sounds obvious but it wasn't in the past.  Now it is.  (That doesn't mean I can do it though!  The twiddly bits still sound twiddly rather than romantic...the high bits still sound squeaky rather than lyrical...but I shall keep trying.)  Also, it's fun playing with a mandolin, a guitar and a set of drums rather than a cello and two violins!  Especially when they turn up the amp and say, "just go with it"...
I suppose that this is another gift from being on Rum.  Playing music just because you can, without worrying how good you are, and caring more about its sound than your own ability, is something I should have been able to do a long time ago, but hadn't ever.  Obviously ability is very important - the "feel" of the music can't exist without the discipline of each note.  But which discipline to choose, which of all the many techniques to use for any given bit of music - that's the art I suppose.

Whatever it is, it's fun for others too.  People visiting here are really happy when anyone plays any music.  I think they expect to arrive and find folk musicians penny-whistling away on every corner while wearing kilts, or gathered round a campfire with whisky and a small bodhran.  Perhaps it would be nice (depending on the legs of those in the kilts) but it doesn't happen very often.  But in the past few weeks I've found out more and more about what people do.  We have artists, chefs, woodcarvers, jewellery makers and musicians - and probably much more.  These talents tend to lie hidden, though, as we're all so private, except when we need to make some money and sell stuff. It would be even nicer if we could see these things happening all year round, for us - for now it's nice to see them in the tea-shop!

Claire and Kate's crafts...Lukas' pictures!

12 May - Two anniversaries

It's been difficult to focus on writing recently, probably just because there's so little time for reflection.  The season is in full swing but unlike Lady Monica's seasons on Rum, there's not much ballroom dancing (though there was a ceilidh), no shooting and not many parties.  No, our season involves mainly visitors!  Hiking groups, geology groups, muddy boots groups, fishing groups, small wiry individuals bearing huge bulky rucksacks (one of them had a rucksack full of wood: "I'm just off to the bothy overnight, it'll be grand"), kindly, meandering middle-aged couples here for a couple of hours between boats, people wanting cake, people wanting beer, people wanting castle tours, people wanting advice. Mel is on duty most evenings, which means taking a radio home, and it beeps at all hours, usually with people saying things like "the heating hasn't come on" or "the fuses in the kitchen have blown" or "why is there no hot water?" (we have had a definite diesel shortage, so apologies to those caught out by the lack of heating!) Our favourite, however, was the 7 am emergency..."Someone's moved my toilet bag!".   There are students on environmental courses wearing bad beanies and carrying pots of unidentified wildlife.  Sometimes sailing charters come in...we have had the Eda Fransen, a gaff cutter doing tours of the Isles,  and last night, the Hebridean Princess, our regular cruise liner, moored up in the bay in the evening and glittered in the blue dark, while small speed boats carried our late-night visitors across to shore...they pottered around the castle in the twilight while we watched them from our turret and bats flew around our heads.
The tea-shop has been a success so far, although visitor numbers and politeness levels vary hugely.  Most people are lovely, but some have rather huge expectations for a tiny island - I want to say, "Do you know we are just 30 people here?" My favourite so far was the man who missed his ferry and so spent most of the day in the tea-shop, then decided he liked it so much on Rum he would miss another one the next day.   He and his dogs became firm fixtures for the week.  The worst visitors were a reluctant group of posh students who had daddy's yacht moored up in the bay; they came ashore and opened up their hamper (!) outside the shop to eat their picnic, but when it started raining they were forced indoors, only to buy the cheapest drinks they could while shouting rude words to each other across the table and trying to get drunk on their own beer.  One of them came back for another coffee and when I said "That's £1.50 please" (it's proper coffee you know) he said, "Oh, really? I thought you did, like, refills?" Probably the same one who asked Mel if he could carry a guide book round during the castle tour and then put it back afterwards so he didn't have to pay for it....But usually we have lovely visitors who like the cakes and are really interested in Rum.  Debs has the amazing ability to chat to all visitors, no matter how tired she is or how moody they are, and seems to be able to charm them with just a smile, not to mention her amazing Gingerbread Bothies (just £5 to share!).  I can only watch and learn.
Otherwise, I have started working in the hostel and doing Castle Tours.  This is a great job.  I really love meeting the groups and telling them all about George, Monica and the castle.  It makes me feel proud to live here and I enjoy seeing how they become drawn into the story, and how much emotion the castle arouses in people.  People are genuinely enthusiastic about it, they love to wander about taking pictures, asking questions and comparing it to other places that have fallen on hard times or alternatively, have been rescued!  Another cruise boat, the Polar Quest, normally a traveller up and down the Norwegian coast, called in and 50 or so Swedish visitors came on a tour...Mel and I split them up so we did a tour relay, I only just managed not to catch her up in the ballroom!  The Swedish group were very interested; of course they all had excellent English, and told me all about their trip so far around the Scottish islands.  Two of the younger men were Norwegian and came from Svalbard, and one worked at the Ice Hotel...they looked as though they spent all their time in the snow, looking like explorers with their giant boots, waterproof all in one suits and bushy beards.  "Do come to the Ice Hotel...it is very cold." "How cold?" "Oh, just minus 40 or so."  I think that's a trip I will have to take in my imagination only...
The Manx Shearwaters are back.  I saw a huge flock of them flying in, it must have been a thousand. We aim to go up the mountain soon and listen to them calling out, their weird shrieks and shouts leading the Vikings to give the name Trollval to the mountain they live under.  We may not encounter trolls, but the island is full of other noises: cuckoos everywhere, willow warblers, chiffchaffs, geese, crows, raven - and full of creatures: the walled garden is full of butterflies and bees and the polytunnel was invaded by a giant bee the other day - I had to go away until it left.  I hoped it wasn't a queen and she wouldn't be followed by her loyal servants!  Walking under the lime trees to the hostel, we can actually hear a "hive" of bees in one of them, a deep humming from the trunk surrounding us as we walk by.  I wonder if they will actually swarm.

So the island has changed almost to a different place from how it was in winter. From being totally isolated, dark and near-silent, to a literally buzzing, busy place full of sunshine (mostly) - it is hard to imagine winter coming back.  And this incredible liveliness reminds me that anniversaries are coming up.  Not only was there an Anniversary Ceilidh on 9th May - to mark the anniversary of the island assets being transferred to the Community Trust - but it's nearly the anniversary of when I was first here, visiting after my grandma died last May. What I mainly remember about that first visit is the sheer intensity of life on the island.  It was strange, because I was so sad and in some ways just numb, but I remember arriving not in a bleak, cold place but somewhere where literally you could feel the life around you, growing, cuckooing, buzzing, swarming...that was my first impression of Rum, even though when I moved here "properly" in August, it did get bleak and lonely.  Really life should be this alive everywhere - not just on tiny islands.  Wouldn't it be amazing if England was this full of wildlife, irrepressible life shooting up through the concrete and tarmac?  Amazing - if rather difficult to get around.
Again I feel I'm back at that question of how people and nature live together.  Although I can't imagine winter at the moment, I know it happened!  And it will happen again, this time with even fewer people (probably) than last year.  We are now around just 30 people living on the island - three couples have left over the past few weeks and despite the visitor numbers, you can really tell.  The dynamic is very different with just this small change - but I suppose it's not really a small change - six people (seven if you count the baby!) means about one-sixth of the island population leaving.  We really miss the people who have left, but hope that maybe more will join us soon.  (A new Ranger may be starting soon, and a new Development Officer has started, although he doesn't live on the island.)  How can we make it easier for people to live here? 
But this is such a big question and at the moment, I just want to enjoy the beauty of the island, the amazing nights that don't really get dark (just midnight blue), and the fact that in the walled garden, things are coming up! It's not been so long since I felt I couldn't enjoy anything - so I'll leave the big questions to those who want to try to answer them, and for now, just make the most of the summer on Rum.